A lack of confidence may interfere with your career, relationships, and overall well-being. If you recognise how low self-esteem is holding you back, you can dust yourself off and start a journey of personal empowerment. Take the initial steps to transform your life with the confidence-boosting tips in this guide. A new you awaits!
(If you are worried about your mental health or the mental health of a loved one, call Lifeline 13 11 14.)
Signs you have low confidence
It’s important to understand what self-confidence is. The terms ‘self-confidence’ and ‘self-esteem’ are often used interchangeably, but did you know that while they frequently overlap, they aren’t synonymous?
According to the University of Queensland, “self-esteem refers to whether you appreciate and value yourself. Your self-esteem develops and changes as a result of your life experiences and interactions with other people.”
On the other hand, ‘Self-confidence is your belief in yourself and your abilities. This can change depending on the situation. It’s normal to feel quite confident in some circumstances and less confident in others.’
Having both (or either) low self-esteem or low self-confidence can lead to negative thoughts about yourself, which can send you into a feedback loop of negative expectations and disappointing outcomes. For example, you feel pessimistic about joining a contest. You sign up anyway but your hesitations impede your performance and you lose. These emotions spiral and you feel even more negative about trying new things.
This kind of thinking can severely impact your mental wellness.
UQ identified the following low self-esteem traits:
- You have a strong, critical internal voice.
- You frequently think negative things about yourself.
- You believe those negative thoughts are always valid.
- You ignore your strengths and abilities and focus on weaknesses and gaps in knowledge.
- You focus on mistakes and low points instead of wins and positive takes on things.
- You expect the worst out of most or any situations.
- You avoid opportunities and challenges if they leave you open to being judged by others.
- You don’t believe you deserve to have fun or indulge yourself, and you often forego self-care.
Meanwhile, if you have low self-confidence, the following are likely to be true:
- You are shy and often find yourself feeling inadequate, sad, depressed, anxious, ashamed, angry, or worthless.
- You have difficulties communicating or connecting with others.
- You experience stress and anxiety in social situations.
- You do not like to assert yourself.
- You are critical of your abilities.
- You take failures or criticism about your work or skills personally.
- You struggle to cope with work and life challenges, especially unexpected ones.
Do you identify with many or all of the statements above? If so, you may need to take steps to boost your self-esteem and confidence.
Possible causes of low self-confidence
What causes a lack of confidence? It usually isn’t just one incident, person or feeling that results in low self-esteem or confidence, but a combination of factors or events.
Three key factors determine your level of self-esteem, according to Healthdirect Australia:
- Confidence and security in yourself and your life
- Identity, including your body, gender and sexuality
- Sense of belonging and acceptance with family, friends and colleagues
A lack of confidence or self-esteem can often be traced back to childhood or adolescence but can also develop in adulthood. Some experiences commonly associated with low self-esteem include:
- Lack of support and positive reinforcement from family members and peers
- Frequent comparisons to others in real life or on social media
- Bullying (in person or online)
- Neglect or abuse
- Chronic medical illnesses or conditions, especially obesity
- Stressful life events like a divorce, death in the family or moving away from home
- Poor performance at work or school
- Being isolated or not fitting in at school, work or other social situations
These experiences are no longer one-offs if they influence your levels of self-esteem and self-confidence. If you have low self-esteem, it’s likely you frequently experienced the situations listed above, perhaps over a long period.
It’s important not to blame yourself for your lack of confidence—it will only keep you in the cycle of negativity. What’s important is getting to know and accept yourself and reprogram your thinking so you can make changes in your life and reclaim your sense of agency and power.
Effects of having low confidence or self-esteem
Is low self-esteem a red flag? Perhaps in the sense that it can increase your vulnerability to mental health issues. Low self-esteem can manifest gradually in various ways. Here are possible effects of your lack of confidence, impacting everything from work performance to personal well-being.
Social anxiety
When you’re feeling inadequate, being around others becomes a source of anxiety. You avoid meetings, parties, and other social activities for fear of judgement. Prolonged isolation resulting from this can lead to loneliness and contribute to relationship problems in the long run.
Body dysmorphia
The American Psychological Association defines body dysmorphia as a disorder characterised by an intense focus on an imagined flaw in one’s appearance or an exaggerated concern about a minor physical anomaly. For example, someone with low confidence might fixate on a small scar or the shape of their nose. They will likely blow this out of proportion and become excessively distressed about it.
Excessive perfectionism
A lack of confidence may push a person to set unrealistic standards, leading to chronic dissatisfaction from failure to meet them. Sometimes, even finishing first or achieving an excellent score may not seem enough.
Trouble accepting compliments
Research from the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology confirms that low self-esteem directly correlates with not being able to accept compliments from others. If you feel more conscious when someone praises your makeup or outfit, it could stem from a lack of confidence.
Lack of assertiveness
Difficulty standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, or speaking up can indicate low self-esteem. Someone who can’t assert themselves will put others’ needs before their own, often at the expense of their well-being.
Negative self-talk
Feeling inadequate can also lead you to have self-deprecating internal conversations with yourself. Constant feelings of self-criticism are crippling and can interfere with your work performance and other obligations.
And when you have a poor self-image, you think everything is your fault (spoiler: it’s not). This frame of mind can lead to over-apologising, even when the situation is beyond your control.
Lack of self-control
Research from the Journal of Vocational Behavior reveals that people with higher self-esteem are better equipped to deal with stressful situations they have no control over. Adding to this, a person with a lack of confidence may feel helpless, especially when it comes to fixing their problems.
This self-defeatist mentality can set anyone up for failure and disappointment, overlooking potential solutions. In matters of goal setting, poor self-control can push someone to failure, whether in meeting deadlines or kicking a bad habit.
Poor self-care
A person with low self-confidence may care so little about themselves that they neglect basic needs like personal hygiene or proper rest. Poor confidence can also manifest in self-harming behaviours, like excessive consumption of food, alcohol, or illegal substances.
How to boost your confidence
You’ve already taken the first step by acknowledging the problem. Now, go further with simple actions that can make a big difference in building healthier self-esteem. Turn to these tips to boost your confidence and regain your zest for life.
Practise mindfulness.
Start paying attention to negative thought patterns so you can reframe your thinking. Turn to mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or other grounding exercises to quiet negative thoughts. Becoming aware of what triggers negative thinking will make it easy to replace them with positive, more realistic thoughts. You can even add power poses to your routine, as these may help relax you or make you feel more in control in stressful situations.
Build on your strengths.
Take stock of what you’re good at and find ways to focus on your strengths. For instance, if working in a team is a source of anxiety, capitalise on your ability to work on your own. As you build your confidence working independently, slowly inch out of your comfort zone to ease yourself into collaborating with others.
Celebrate small wins.
Reflect on all your accomplishments, both big and small. List them down as a visual reminder of how far you’ve come to motivate yourself to set greater goals. When you give yourself the appreciation you deserve, you’ll start beating yourself up less.
Explore activities that spark joy.
What are you most passionate about? Unleash your inner chef and work your magic in the kitchen while creating healthier diets for your family. Or, put your hiking shoes on and explore the great outdoors. Replenish your confidence and slow down, switch on Netflix, and chill. Schedule enjoyable events weekly to avoid burnout and keep spirits high.
Surround yourself with a supportive network.
Spend time with friends and family who make you feel good about yourself. Overly critical people can bring anyone down, even if you have healthy self-esteem. So, get out of your funk by hanging out with pals who have your back.
Prioritise self-care.
Practise acts of self-care, be it through signing up for a gym membership or treating yourself to a relaxing massage. Set your alarm clock back a few minutes so you can enjoy your coffee or tea while journalling or planning your day.
Neglecting to brush your hair or swipe on some lipstick may not seem like a big deal at first. But improving your appearance can go a long way towards better confidence. A Plos One study reveals that a positive perception of your physical appearance is fuel for self-esteem.
Incorporating a makeup and skincare routine into your daily habits is one way to remind yourself you deserve to look and feel your best.
If crooked teeth contribute to your low self-esteem, consider a much-deserved smile upgrade with treatments like ClearCorrect. Because they are clear and removable, these dental aligners provide a more comfortable and subtle solution to straightening teeth. Eventually, they’ll let you flash your pearly whites and conquer the day with renewed confidence.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and the same can be said of a robust level of self-esteem and confidence. Take it one step at a time. Addressing your lack of confidence will require some work – keep at it and remember that you are never alone.
Consider seeking help from a professional to better understand your situation and identify personalised solutions. Soon, you’ll find yourself experiencing joy and fulfilment in life again. You’ve got this!
References:
APA Dictionary of Psychology – Body Dysmorphic Disorder. (n.d.).
APA PsycNet – Is High Self-Esteem Beneficial? Revisiting a Classic Question. (n.d.).
Barbalat, G., Plasse, J., Gauthier, E., Verdoux, H., Quilès, C., Dubreucq, J., Legros-Lafarge, É., Jaafari, N., Massoubre, C., Guillard-Bouhet, N., Haesebaert, F., & Franck, N. (2022). The central role of self-esteem in the quality of life of patients with mental disorders. Scientific Reports, 12(1).
Bayat, B., Akbarisomar, N., Tori, N. A., & Salehiniya, H. (2019). The relation between self-confidence and risk-taking among the students. Journal of Education and Health Promotion, 8, 27.
Franklin, J., Denyer, G., Steinbeck, K.S., Caterson, I.D., & Hill, A.J. Obesity and risk of low self-esteem: a statewide survey of Australian children. Pediatrics. 2006 Dec;118(6):2481-7. doi: 10.1542/peds.2006-0511. PMID: 17142534.
Gabriel, A. S., Erickson, R. J., Diefendorff, J. M., & Krantz, D. (2020). When does feeling in control benefit well-being? The boundary conditions of identity commitment and self-esteem. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 119, 103415.
Kille, D. R., Eibach, R. P., Wood, J. V., & Holmes, J. G. (2017). Who can’t take a compliment? The role of construal level and self-esteem in accepting positive feedback from close others. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 68, 40–49.
Lucero, K.S., & Chen, P. (2020, October 12). What do reinforcement and confidence have to do with it? A systematic pathway analysis of knowledge, competence, confidence, and intention to change. Journal of European CME, 9(1): 1834759. doi: 10.1080/21614083.2020.1834759
Healthdirect Australia. (n.d.). Self-esteem and mental health.
The University of Queensland, Australia. (n.d.). Self-esteem and self-confidence. My.UQ Information and services, Self-help resources.
