Are you struggling to form strong and healthy bonds, whether in romantic partnerships, friendships, or professional connections? You’re likely facing trust issues. Since trust is the foundation of any good relationship, neither party will feel secure and supported without it.
The tricky thing about trust is it can take years to build, but it shatters instantly if the betrayal is deep or traumatic. You can’t “fix” your issues overnight, but you can heal slowly with hard work, openness, and self-compassion. Are you ready to start working on them? Learn how someone develops trust issues, the signs to look out for, and the steps you can take to overcome them.
Causes of Trust Issues
Putting your trust in others means believing they won’t let you down. But humans aren’t born with a full grasp of this concept. Sure, infants and children depend on their caregivers for survival, but that dependence isn’t the same as active trust. As people grow up, they learn to trust (or distrust) others based on their unique experiences and environments.
Events in childhood or adolescence
Generally, events in childhood or adolescence can impact someone’s emotional development. Where trust is concerned, psychology experts and researchers believe that maltreatment during this period can make one more distrustful of others. Complex childhood traumas, like neglect, social rejection or alienation (i.e., bullying), and physical abuse, can hinder one’s ability to trust later in life.
Experiences during adulthood
In other cases, someone may not develop trust issues until adulthood. Some contributors include traumatic life events, experiences of betrayal, and mental health disorders. One’s attachment style (how one forms and maintains attachments) may also inform how secure one feels in relationships.
Other factors that can lead to trust issues
Data suggests that factors like age, geography, gender, and social class can also influence a person’s tendency to trust. Between 2019 to 2020, the Institute of Policy Studies surveyed 2,000 Singaporeans for their global World Values Survey.
The researchers found that 65% of respondents indicated they “needed to be very careful of trusting people.” However, they noted that “younger, higher-educated and more affluent respondents were more likely to trust others.”
Meanwhile, a separate survey by market research company Ipsos revealed that 41% of Australian respondents agree that “people can be trusted.” The country ranked seventh in interpersonal trust among 30 others. Additionally, the survey found that Australian males were more trusting than females, and older people were more trusting than younger ones.
Signs of Trust Issues in a Relationship
What are the signs of a lack of trust in a relationship? Here are some to catch:
- Some assume the worst of each other and insist on “proof” instead of taking someone at their word.
- Others struggle to express honest thoughts or feelings.
- When you don’t trust your partner or someone close to you, whatever they do will seem suspicious.
- You might resort to emotional distancing as a defence mechanism.
- You may feel like you can’t communicate with them without it devolving into an argument.
- On the other end, they might doubt your loyalty, invade your privacy, or accuse you of being dishonest, even without evidence.
How to Recover Trust in a Relationship
Do you ever wonder, “Why can’t I trust my partner?” It’s natural to put walls up when you believe someone is violating your trust. However, being an emotionally mature adult means knowing when to step back, breathe, and reflect. Ask yourself what might be at the root of the issues in your relationships, what situations trigger it, and whether you’re coping healthily or destructively.
Did they betray you, or is it possible you’re projecting because of past experiences? These are tough questions, but you must face them to make personal and interpersonal progress. Building trust can be emotionally challenging and time-consuming, but it’s worth it. If you’re here, then you’re ready to learn how to trust people again. Good news: you’re already off to a great start.
1. Acknowledge the issues.
You can’t address the problem without acknowledging it first. Say, yes, you have trust issues – but you’re working on them. Approach yourself compassionately, and don’t judge yourself for your complicated feelings. Now that you’re more self-aware, you can start to make deliberate and positive changes.
2. Challenge negative patterns.
How do you react when you feel someone you love is lying? Maybe you lash out and shut down the conversation. Perhaps you self-isolate and think of worst-case scenarios. These are examples of negative behavioural and thought patterns. As tough as it is not to spiral, shifting to a more realistic and balanced approach is essential to resolving situations healthily.
3. Practise honest communication.
When you have trouble trusting, it may be more difficult to communicate openly. But you can learn to. Start by talking to the loved one you’re closest to about your issues. You don’t have to bare your soul from the jump but still try to express your true feelings. Receiving support and understanding from others will remind you that there’s nothing to be afraid of.
4. Prioritise self-care.
Engaging in self-care and investing in treatments, like ClearCorrect aligners to correct teeth misalignment, can help you build self-esteem. In turn, you become better at acknowledging your strengths, bolstering your ability to trust yourself and improving overall well-being. Over time, having that strong emotional foundation will lead to heightened trust in your relationships, too.
5. Speak to a mental health professional.
Some issues – especially those rooted in trauma – can feel impossible to tackle alone. So, consider turning to a licensed therapist who can help you assess your problems objectively and provide guidance in a safe space. Eventually, your path will become clearer, and you won’t feel as helpless.
There’s no clear-cut “solution” for trust issues. Everyone heals at a different pace, so your journey may not look the same as anyone else’s. You won’t always feel like you’re making progress, but you shouldn’t give up. Resist the urge to spiral, keep others in the loop, and don’t hesitate to ask for help. You got this!
References:
Beaton, J., & Thielking, M. (2020). Chronic mistrust and complex trauma: Australian psychologists’ perspectives on the treatment of young women with a history of childhood maltreatment. Australian Psychologist.
Elangovan, N. (2021, July 2). Two-thirds of Singaporeans wary of trusting other people: IPS report. TODAY.
Gobin, R. L., & Freyd, J. J. (2014). The impact of betrayal trauma on the tendency to trust. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 6(5), 505–511.
Hepp, J., Schmitz, S. E., Urbild, J., Zauner, K., & Niedtfeld, I. (2021). Childhood maltreatment is associated with distrust and negatively biased emotion processing. Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotion Dysregulation, 8(1).
Ipsos Group S.A. (2022). The geography of interpersonal trust – Australia ranks 7th in trust of other people among 30 countries. Ipsos | Global Market Research and Public Opinion Specialist.
